My ex-husband is a drug addict…

To be fair, he disclosed that information on our first date. He wore his sobriety like a badge of honor. He was proud, loving, and affectionate. He was silly, funny, and my Dad would often describe him as, “quirky”. He was charismatic and smart. I fell deeply in love with him. He was everything you’d want in a partner and he was my person. 

I never knew him in active addiction. Until now. He relapsed a year and a half ago after 9 years, clean and sober. The glimmer in his eyes faded. His disease of addiction morphed him into a completely different human being. The complete opposite of his former personality.

James and I separated in January of 2021. I remember arriving home to an empty house...forcing myself through the front door...bracing myself for what I knew was to come: SILENCE. The sound of chatter was gone; our energy and vibrancy a distant recollection. I can still see it all so clearly... The remnants of his things: the fragrance of his cologne lingering in the air, a dish he’d left in the sink, leftovers still in the fridge. I could feel his presence, yet his absence was crystal clear. Too clear. And then suddenly, the stillness became too much to bear. I dropped my bags and let my tears fall down my face the way raindrops scatter down a windowpane. My heart was heavy and my shoulders were slouched. Loss, sadness, and anxiety consumed me. And I allowed myself to feel it all. Somehow, I knew – all too well - that this was only the beginning of a far greater struggle ahead.

I packed my bags and moved to NC…

a place James and I had planned to move together. Shortly after moving into my own space, I learned of James’s significant relapse. The one he could no longer hide. He was deep into his drug addiction. The following months saw ups and downs- tearful nights, pleas with God, hope he was getting better. He knew exactly how to pull me in and I happily accepted the bare minimum- making excuses for his behavior. I thought he was clean but ignored my gut feelings that told me something wasn’t right. I saw what I wanted to see.

So, I filed for divorce. My stomach churned as I walked up the courthouse steps- hands shaking as I handed over the paperwork. Logically, I knew this was the ‘right’ decision. However, love doesn’t turn off like a faucet. It was excruciating to surrender all those hopes and dreams. After all, some of my happiest memories were with him. 

Yet, it was even more excruciating to hold on. What’s that quote? “One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss, or betrayal- change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.”

I finally made the decision to let go. I decided to choose myself instead. I started meditating daily. I began journaling each morning. I adopted a puppy, forcing me to become more active and social. I signed up for community classes, such as pottery and pole dancing. I began attending Nar-Anon meetings. I took a vacation. I started living my life for me. I committed to my personal development and created my very own Roadmap to Resilience. 

Investing in myself was the best decision I ever made. Suddenly, it became crystal clear how I was meant to serve others. My purpose, I decided, was to teach others how to get through hard things. “We all have struggles,” I thought. “Yet, we typically hide our not-so-filtered lives from worldview...deciding instead to suffer in silence. Why? Why go it alone?”

Today, as a Personal Resilience Coach…

I teach people how to get through hard things. I have worked in the health and wellness industry for over 10 years. I graduated from Rider University with my Bachelor’s in Psychology and immediately knew I wanted to serve and help others. I received my yoga certification from LYT Yoga with physical therapist Lara Heimann. I completed my Health Coaching certification through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN).  

In all my experiences, I have watched people judge themselves, their bodies, their struggles- attempting to hide their hardships from the world. I have seen breakdowns and breakthroughs. I am here to tell you that you can get through hard things.

Let me help you invest in your future so you can start showing up for yourself on a consistent basis- building your Roadmap to Resilience. I will provide the support, reassurance, and tools you need to face your challenges. Work with me and I will coach you and support you as you come to recognize your own resilience and rise above your hardships.